A Portion of Dragon and Chips

A Portion of Dragon and Chips

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2018-08-20

Total Pages: 287

ISBN-13:

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Did you bring the salt? A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They're not stand-alones! Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book one in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, medieval humour, wizard humor, robot books


Book Synopsis A Portion of Dragon and Chips by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book A Portion of Dragon and Chips written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2018-08-20 with total page 287 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Did you bring the salt? A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This is the first novel in a humorous fantasy trilogy. Each book continues plot lines and character arcs from the previous title, with everything wrapping up in book three. They're not stand-alones! Also available: an omnibus edition containing all three titles, and an audiobook edition of the whole trilogy. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book one in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, medieval humour, wizard humor, robot books

Portion of Dragon and Chips

Portion of Dragon and Chips

Author: Haynes Simon (author)

Publisher:

Published: 1901

Total Pages: 0

ISBN-13: 9780463878323

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Book Synopsis Portion of Dragon and Chips by : Haynes Simon (author)

Download or read book Portion of Dragon and Chips written by Haynes Simon (author) and published by . This book was released on 1901 with total page 0 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt:

Dragon and Chips Omnibus One

Dragon and Chips Omnibus One

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher:

Published: 2019-06-05

Total Pages: 741

ISBN-13: 9781072267706

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Get the Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single, huge volume. Three novels in one! A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This single volume includes A Portion of Dragon and Chips, A Butt of Heads and A Pair of Nuts on the Thone. Get it now! Swearing: minorViolence: moderateSex: none/offscreen mentions


Book Synopsis Dragon and Chips Omnibus One by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book Dragon and Chips Omnibus One written by Simon Haynes and published by . This book was released on 2019-06-05 with total page 741 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Get the Dragon and Chips trilogy in a single, huge volume. Three novels in one! A creaky old robot shows up in a backward, medieval kingdom, promptly triggering all-out war. It's elves versus humans, humans versus dwarves, and pretty much everyone versus the goblins. At least there are no dragons to worry about, because they've been boned, filleted and barbecued to the brink of extinction. Hey, it's their own fault for being delicious. Throw in a wizard with pockets full of mysterious herbs, a volatile halfling with a hair-trigger temper and a barbarian who'd rather bed the nearest princess than wield his other mighty sword, and you have the makings of a crazed, epic trilogy. Can the robot survive this feudal insanity, or will he end up shared between the warring factions... literally? This single volume includes A Portion of Dragon and Chips, A Butt of Heads and A Pair of Nuts on the Thone. Get it now! Swearing: minorViolence: moderateSex: none/offscreen mentions

Dragon and Chips Omnibus One

Dragon and Chips Omnibus One

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2019-06-05

Total Pages: 873

ISBN-13:

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Three full-length novels in one volume! "An insane, inspired blend of high fantasy and low humour" Here's what you get! A Portion of Dragon and Chips A mild-mannered old robot has just been transported to a medieval kingdom, and things are quickly going from bad to worse. A homicidal knight is after his blood... or the robot equivalent. A greedy queen wants to bend him to her will. A conniving Master of Spies is hatching his own devious plan for the mechanical marvel. And worst of all, there's nowhere to get a recharge. A Butt of Heads Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and he has a load of new problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is hunting him down, determined to drag him back to their master, a man desperate to find out what makes the robot tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And, to cap it all off, two foreign nations are planning an invasion, five kingdoms are on the brink of war, and gigantic sea serpents, vengeful dragons and a drunken cadre of dwarves are determined to make life difficult for everyone. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne It's crunch time for the medieval kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He's sure they've met before, but he can't quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can't quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. Enjoy the laughs, chaos and misadventures in the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips trilogy.


Book Synopsis Dragon and Chips Omnibus One by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book Dragon and Chips Omnibus One written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2019-06-05 with total page 873 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Three full-length novels in one volume! "An insane, inspired blend of high fantasy and low humour" Here's what you get! A Portion of Dragon and Chips A mild-mannered old robot has just been transported to a medieval kingdom, and things are quickly going from bad to worse. A homicidal knight is after his blood... or the robot equivalent. A greedy queen wants to bend him to her will. A conniving Master of Spies is hatching his own devious plan for the mechanical marvel. And worst of all, there's nowhere to get a recharge. A Butt of Heads Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and he has a load of new problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is hunting him down, determined to drag him back to their master, a man desperate to find out what makes the robot tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And, to cap it all off, two foreign nations are planning an invasion, five kingdoms are on the brink of war, and gigantic sea serpents, vengeful dragons and a drunken cadre of dwarves are determined to make life difficult for everyone. A Pair of Nuts on the Throne It's crunch time for the medieval kingdom! Our mild-mannered hero, the junky old robot, has a new ally. He's sure they've met before, but he can't quite put his finger on it. Actually, he can't quite put his finger on anything. Heads of state are dropping like flies, thanks to a series of improbable accidents, and war clouds are rolling in. The elves are building siege engines, human kingdoms are raising their armies, and the dwarves are nursing hangovers. Enjoy the laughs, chaos and misadventures in the third and final part of the Dragon and Chips trilogy.

A Butt of Heads

A Butt of Heads

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2018-09-30

Total Pages: 284

ISBN-13:

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Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren't determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles


Book Synopsis A Butt of Heads by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book A Butt of Heads written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2018-09-30 with total page 284 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Remember that mild-mannered robot trapped in a medieval kingdom? He's still there, and now he has a fresh batch of problems to deal with. First, he must lead a motley crew of adventurers on a quest to capture a baby dragon... ... and then save them from the incensed parent dragons. Next, the City Guard is desperate to find out what makes him tick... even if it means disassembly with a blunt axe. And finally, our robot hero must foil an invasion by two foreign navies and prevent five kingdoms from starting an all-out war. If only those vengeful dragons, gigantic sea serpents and a cadre of drunken dwarves weren't determined to make his life even more difficult! A Butt of Heads is book two in the Robot vs Dragons trilogy. A Portion of Dragon and Chips is book one, and it must be read first to maximise your enjoyment. All three books are also available in unabridged audio editions. Keywords: Humorous fantasy novel, book two in a trilogy, fantasy comedy book, fantasy humour, clean fantasy novels, young adult fantasy, ya comedy, parody novel, fantasy comedy novels, naval warfare, sailing ship battles

A Piece of the Action

A Piece of the Action

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2011-04-11

Total Pages: 50

ISBN-13:

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Flat broke and stranded in a foreign country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. He has no money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with an intriguing offer, Ralph decides he has nothing to lose. He's wrong. A Piece of the Action is a gripping thriller with science fiction and horror overtones. A short story set in Latin America from the author of the Hal Spacejock science fiction series. Keywords: Free science fiction story, free scifi short, free ebook, free thriller science fiction


Book Synopsis A Piece of the Action by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book A Piece of the Action written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2011-04-11 with total page 50 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: Flat broke and stranded in a foreign country, Ralph Gardiner is nursing a beer and contemplating the wreckage of his life. He has no money, no prospects, and worst of all ... the beer is warm. When a local businessman approaches him with an intriguing offer, Ralph decides he has nothing to lose. He's wrong. A Piece of the Action is a gripping thriller with science fiction and horror overtones. A short story set in Latin America from the author of the Hal Spacejock science fiction series. Keywords: Free science fiction story, free scifi short, free ebook, free thriller science fiction

The Desolator

The Desolator

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2018-05-03

Total Pages: 43

ISBN-13:

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A barbarian, a halfling and a wizard walk into a bar ... Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon. High fantasy parody from the author of the Hal Spacejock series. This humorous fantasy short story contains dark humor, comedy off-screen violence, and no sex. The characters also feature in my new trilogy, starting with A Portion of Dragon and Chips. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi fantasy books, free books sci fi fantasy, dragon books free, free dragon books, free fantasy books for adults


Book Synopsis The Desolator by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book The Desolator written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2018-05-03 with total page 43 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A barbarian, a halfling and a wizard walk into a bar ... Join Hurm, Runt and Father Mephistophiles as they struggle to save the hamlet of Yendour from a marauding dragon. High fantasy parody from the author of the Hal Spacejock series. This humorous fantasy short story contains dark humor, comedy off-screen violence, and no sex. The characters also feature in my new trilogy, starting with A Portion of Dragon and Chips. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi fantasy books, free books sci fi fantasy, dragon books free, free dragon books, free fantasy books for adults

Framed: A Hal Spacejock short story

Framed: A Hal Spacejock short story

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2011-08-26

Total Pages: 49

ISBN-13:

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A straightforward cargo delivery takes a left turn when Hal Spacejock gets sidetracked. But with 200 shares in a worthless company on offer, who wouldn't step into a makeshift teleporter which has already claimed one victim? Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this brand new 8000-word short story. 'Framed' slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock Second Course, but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone. Kurt took up his position in front of the robot, while Hal took up his position behind a large rock twenty metres away. With shaking fingers, Kurt reached for the cap on Clunk's head. Meanwhile, Hal's fingers were in his ears and his eyes were screwed shut. "It's okay," said Kurt. "It's just a solar panel." "Attached to what?" "His brain, I think." "Oh wonderful," muttered Hal. "He'll be thinking and talking and arguing, and he still won't be able to do anything useful."


Book Synopsis Framed: A Hal Spacejock short story by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book Framed: A Hal Spacejock short story written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2011-08-26 with total page 49 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: A straightforward cargo delivery takes a left turn when Hal Spacejock gets sidetracked. But with 200 shares in a worthless company on offer, who wouldn't step into a makeshift teleporter which has already claimed one victim? Hal and Clunk, stars of the Hal Spacejock comedy series, feature in this brand new 8000-word short story. 'Framed' slots into the series any time after Hal Spacejock Second Course, but can be read and enjoyed as a stand-alone. Kurt took up his position in front of the robot, while Hal took up his position behind a large rock twenty metres away. With shaking fingers, Kurt reached for the cap on Clunk's head. Meanwhile, Hal's fingers were in his ears and his eyes were screwed shut. "It's okay," said Kurt. "It's just a solar panel." "Attached to what?" "His brain, I think." "Oh wonderful," muttered Hal. "He'll be thinking and talking and arguing, and he still won't be able to do anything useful."

Yard Fail

Yard Fail

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2011-05-05

Total Pages: 31

ISBN-13:

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When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath. A 2500 word short story. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi books to read and download, mad scientist, scientists and their inventions free books, scientist book free, comedy books free in english


Book Synopsis Yard Fail by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book Yard Fail written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2011-05-05 with total page 31 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: When Ralph Swindon tinkers in his workshop, the whole world holds its breath. A 2500 word short story. Keywords: funny books free, funny books for free, free sci fi books to read and download, mad scientist, scientists and their inventions free books, scientist book free, comedy books free in english

A Robot Named Clunk

A Robot Named Clunk

Author: Simon Haynes

Publisher: Bowman Press

Published: 2011-08-15

Total Pages: 338

ISBN-13:

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An incompetent, accident-prone pilot is given one last chance to save his ship. An ageing robot is trusted with a midnight landing in a deserted field. And a desperate businessman is prepared to sacrifice both of them to get what he wants... Combining relentless action with non-stop laughs, Hal Spacejock explodes onto the science fiction scene with the subtlety of a meteor strike and the hushed reverence of a used car salesman.


Book Synopsis A Robot Named Clunk by : Simon Haynes

Download or read book A Robot Named Clunk written by Simon Haynes and published by Bowman Press. This book was released on 2011-08-15 with total page 338 pages. Available in PDF, EPUB and Kindle. Book excerpt: An incompetent, accident-prone pilot is given one last chance to save his ship. An ageing robot is trusted with a midnight landing in a deserted field. And a desperate businessman is prepared to sacrifice both of them to get what he wants... Combining relentless action with non-stop laughs, Hal Spacejock explodes onto the science fiction scene with the subtlety of a meteor strike and the hushed reverence of a used car salesman.